


I Don't Want to Fight with You

by SophieD



Series: Tara's Secret [7]
Category: Leverage
Genre: Anger, Betrayal, F/F, Femslash, Lesbian Relationship, Love, Running Away, Secrets, Sharing a Bed, fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 06:46:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6145028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieD/pseuds/SophieD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Second half of Parker's Kiss and a continuation of Tara's Secret/  Tara disappeared again and Sophie wants answers that Tara doesn't want to or can't give.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Want to Fight with You

**Author's Note:**

> Love feedback. Just sayin. More feedback means more stories. You like stories? Leave me feedback

Tara:

“Parker!” “Hi Tara.” “Parker go home. Or go to the couch. I’m trying to do something here.”

We both watch her as she leaves the room. I look back at Sophie. Her skin is pale and her eyes are glowing in the dim light coming through the window. She wants to talk. I put my finger tips on her mouth, tracing its soft outline. She closes her eyes. “We can talk later Love. There is so much to say. But not now.” She nods. I see a tear start to slide down her cheek. I touch it with my finger. “Sophie. Please don’t.” She looks deep into my eyes. Whatever she sees, guilt, loneliness, lust? It seems to satisfy her for now. “Tara..” “Shhh. First I need to know something. All this time I’ve been dreaming about you, about how your skin feels next to mine. Sophie, I need to know. I know you’re angry. I know you’re hurt. I can’t help that now. I just need to hold you. To touch you. To know that you still want me.” She nods again and another tear starts down her cheek. I leave it this time, just watching it as it traces a line down her beautiful face. 

I pull the quilt back off of her. I can’t help but stare at her. She is so beautiful, easily the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Her dark hair and dark eyes make her skin glow in the moonlight. I let my eyes slide down along her curves and then backup. Her eyes follow mine. She lies perfectly still. The only movement I can see is the gentle rise and fall of her chest.   
My fingers are twitching. I need to touch her now. My hand falls lightly on her chest. Her sharp breath is followed by a slight moan. “Touch me Sophie” I whisper. She raises her hand to my cheek then to the back of my neck. She pulls me down on top of her and her lips find mine. It’s my turn to moan as I let my body sink into hers. I slide off of her and wrap my arm underneath, pulling her back to me and holding her tight. “So?” she whispers. “So?” is my reply. “Does it live up to the hype?” “What?” “Me” she says and I see a twinkle in her eye. “Ummm. I don’t know yet. I might need a couple more hours to get the full picture.” “Whatever it takes” she says smiling at me. 

Sophie:

I lie perfectly still, waiting to know what might happen next. Tara breaks the silence. “Parker?” “Hi Tara” “Parker go home. Or go to the couch. I’m trying to do something here.” We watch her leave then Tara brings her eyes back to me. I want to explain. I want to kiss her. I want to slap her for leaving me without word. She puts her fingers on my mouth. “We can talk later Love.” I feel relief that she’s not angry about Parker. I close my eyes but not before a tear escapes. She wipes it away whispering “Sophie. Please don’t.” I nod. I don’t want to cry. So many things I want to do, yell, fight, make love. Anything but show my weakness. Anything but crying.

I look in her eyes. I want to know what she is thinking. Why did she leave? Why is she back? Did she come for me? Or for something else? I want to know that she’s here for me but I see the lust in her eyes. Is it this again? She shows up for sex then disappears again. Then I see the rest of her. I see the guilt and pain and the sadness she’s trying to hide. She is talking now. She’s talking about dreams. I’ve had the same dreams. Our bodies together. Not sex. Just touching. Do I still want her? I do. I nod. I can’t stop another tear.

She pulls the quilt off of me, exposing me all the way to my knees. Her eyes shine bright blue as she stares at me, first at my chest then sliding eyes down before coming back to my face. I can see only one thing in her eyes now. It used to make me uncomfortable when she did this. It made me feel less human, something she could possess. Now I know it’s just her way. Everything Tara does is carefully thought out, from her grifts to her personal life. She traces lines with her eyes that she will follow with her fingers. I lie perfectly still. Her gaze is steady. Tara is all about control. Herself, others, the world around her. She keeps her emotions and her hands under control. Until she can’t. Her bright blue eyes become clouded with her swirling thoughts. Her fingers are twitching. Almost unconsciously, her hand reaches out to touch me. Her finger tips are electric and I lose my control as well. I take a breath and it’s followed by a soft moan. Tara can barely whisper. “Touch me Sophie.” She asks. I reach my hand up to touch her cheek. She leans into my hand and closes her eyes. I reach behind her head and pull her face to mine. Our lips touch and she lets her weight fall onto me with a soft noise. Her body is warm and soft. It feels better on mine that I dreamt. She slides her arm under me and rolls me toward her. She wraps her arms and legs around me and holds me tight. “So?” I ask. “So?” “Does it live up to the hype?” She has no idea what I’m talking about. “Me?” I smile a bit to let her know that I’m teasing her. She gets it now. “I don’t know yet.” She says. “I might need a couple more hours.” “Whatever it takes” I tell her with a smile. 

I wrap my fingers in her long blonde hair and pull her cheek to mine. Softly, almost without sound she whispers in my ear. The sound of my name makes me jump. I wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t think anything she could say would make things better. Not without an explanation. Not without a lie that I might believe. A promise that she will never leave again. A name and three words. “I missed you”. It’s all I need to hear for now.

She pulls her head back. She brushes the hair from my face. She’s staring again. I wait. Slowly she lowers her lips back to mine. We both moan this time as emotion and desire overtake us. 

Tara:

I wake before Sophie. She’s lying close to me, her face is buried under my arm, lying on my chest. I move only enough to see her sleeping face. She doesn’t wake. I watch her for a while, she smiles slightly in her sleep. I can’t help but touch her. I let my fingers fall lightly on her forehead, moving a stray hair back behind her ear. I move my fingers fall along her jawline. She starts to stir and I can’t help but kiss her gently on her red lips. She’s not awake yet but she kisses me back. My hand moves down over her shoulder and along her ribs. She sighs and wriggles closer. My hand is low on her belly now. My mouth is on her breast. She still doesn’t open her eyes but wraps her arms around me. Her finger tips trace my spine down and back up giving me a shiver. I pull the quilt up to cover both of us, forming a warm cocoon around our bodies. I slide down again to put my tongue on her breast, my hand begins to tease her. It’s hard to tell if she’s fully awake or her body reacts on its own, pushing with her hips, pulling with her hands. I gently put my teeth on the tip of her hardened nipple. She groans and pulls me by my hair back up to her. I smother her with another kiss and when she starts to kiss me back, I sink my fingers deep. She arches her back, pushing me even farther inside her. I use the palm of my hand to caress her while she moves in time with my strokes. Her eyes are closed but her mouth is open now. Her breath is coming shorter now, little whimpers follow every inhale. When she comes, she grabs me hard, pulling her arms and legs around me. I lie still, feeling her body as it contracts then relaxes. She nuzzles my neck with a deep sigh. I think she must be asleep again when she rolls on top of me. “Mmm Tara” she mumbles. “I just had the most amazing dream.” “Really?” I ask. “Mmmm hmmm…It was good. It was almost real.” She sighs. “Tell me about it” I ask. I still have my hand between her legs and I wriggle my fingers letting her know that it wasn’t just a dream. She smiles. “It might be easier to show you.” She says in a husky voice as her hands begin to trace down my sides.

Sophie:

I roll over to feel a warm body next to me. Parker. No not Parker. Parker left. Tara. I’m not quite awake, not still sleeping. I think about the night before or was it early this morning? I feel myself smiling. It wasn’t even about the sex. I just wanted to be with her. I needed to know that she was real and not just another dream. I feel fingers on my forehead, they move softly down my cheek. Soft lips touch mine. I open myself to her and move closer. I want to feel more. Her hand moves down my belly. I don’t want to wake up and find out this is all a dream. I want to stay asleep. Fingers are on me. My body has its own mind. She nips my breast and I grab at her. I want her to kiss me. I want her inside of me. When she finally pushes her fingers into me I arch my back. I want more. I can’t wait. She pushes back. I can’t think now, only feel. She kisses me. The world around me dissolves into a whirl of bright color and unbearable ecstasy. I wrap myself around her and hold tight. I can feel my heartbeat as it starts to slow. I keep my eyes closed. I slow my breathing. I let the shivers of pleasure roll over me. I don’t want to move. I want the dream to go on forever.  
Slowly I let myself come back to consciousness. I open my eyes. I know it wasn’t a dream. It was too real. Too good. Tara is still next to me. I can still feel her hand where it rests between my legs. I roll over on to her. “Mm Tara. I just had the most amazing dream.” “Really” she asks as she moves her fingers and I fell little shockwaves of pleasure. “Tell me about it.” She asks. “It might be easier to show you” I whisper as I move my hands down her soft skin.

Tara:

Sophie is asleep again. I’ve been cat napping but now I need to move. I carefully untangle myself, trying not to disturb her. She tries to pull me back to her but I gently push her arms and legs away. I feel the tightness in my belly and I consider waking her and going another round. Sex with Sophie is always amazing and watching her sweet face while she sleeps makes me want to touch her again. No amount of touching is going to soften the blow of what’s coming when we finally talk. I decide I would be better off burning my nervous energy on the street. I dig out a pair of running shoes and steal some tights and a t-shirt and leave to run a few miles. 

Sophie:

When I wake again, I am alone. I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. It’s hard to believe that it wasn’t all a dream, Tara coming back in the middle of the night. Parker. Tara touching me. Me touching her. My body tells me it was all true with a few tender parts and other places still vibrating with pleasure. I take a long hot shower then make myself a cuppa tea and sit down to wait for Tara to return.

I don’t have to wait long before she comes bouncing through the door. Her cheeks are bright red from the cold and the exertion. Little wisps of blonde hair are stuck to the sweat on her forehead. Certain thoughts run through my mind, none of which is going to solve our current problem but could be a whole lot of fun. I shift uncomfortably on the couch. “Tara?” “Shower first” she says cheerfully. “wanna come?” I shake my head no. “We need to talk about this Tara.” “I know” she says. “You want more tea?” “Tara!” Her shoulders sag a bit as she comes and sits next to me on the couch.

“Ok. Here’s the thing Sophie” she starts. “I really have no explanation for you. Not one I can share anyway.” I just stare at her. “You disappear for over a month without explanation or a proper good bye and you can’t tell me why? I thought we were past this. Secrets and all.” She’s picking at her fingernails and staring at her hands working in her lap. “I don’t want to fight Sophie.” “Who says we’re going to fight?” I ask though I can hear the pitch in my voice rising. “It’s just, I mean I was, it’s something I got into a long time ago.” She says. “I can’t explain. They’re not my secrets to share. Just sometimes it comes up and I don’t really have much of a choice.” “So you leave a message with Parker?” In spite of myself, I can feel myself getting angry at her lack of answers. “Why Parker? Why not a message on my phone?” “You weren’t answering your phone” she mumbles but I ignore her. “So leave me a damn message then. A note. Anything!” “I did” she pleads. “I told Parker.” “Why Parker? You know she would never get something like that right?” “I knew she’d take care of you.” Her voice is low. I can tell she’s trying to stay calm. I don’t care though. “She kissed me Tara!” “What?” I’ve got her attention now. “Yeah. You told her to kiss me and she did. And then she told me you left. Nothing about where you were. Nothing about when you might be back. You just left!” 

“It’s not like you’ve never done that before is it?” she counters. She’s angry now too. She stands and starts stalking back and forth. I know I’m on dangerous ground but I don’t care. I want her to know that she hurt me, that she scared me. “This is different and you know it” I tell her. “Is it Sophie? Really? I thought that was our thing!” That blow landed and it stung. “So now you get to just leave whenever you feel like it? And then come back and pretend that it doesn’t matter? That you don’t have to explain yourself? That you can just jump in bed and make it all better? It doesn’t work that way Tara!” “No I guess it doesn’t” she replies with menace in her voice. “Not when I come home and find you in bed with Parker.” I carefully consider my answer. My voice is low and quiet but there should be no mistaking my intent. “Be careful Tara. Be very careful.” 

Her eyes get wide and she unconsciously takes a small step backwards but she’s not done yet. “Did you like it?” When she gets no response, she tries again. “Parker’s kiss, Sophie. Did you like it?” I narrow my eyes. “Yeah Tara! I did!” “And then you took her to bed with you!” I can’t believe she just said that to me. I stand up and take a step toward her. I can see in her eyes that she knows she went too far but she’s not going to back down now. “Parker was here because you told her to be.” My voice is still low and deliberate. “Parker is sweet and gentle and I did enjoy her being here. I didn’t know if you would ever be back Tara. What if something happened to you? I would never know. I would die if I thought that you could just leave me like that. So yes. Parker was here for me. And yes we slept in the same bed. But. We. Did. Not. Have. Sex!” She opens her mouth to say something then changes her mind. 

I have nothing left that I want to say to her. I sit back down on the couch and cover my face with my hands, resting my elbows on my knees. My anger is gone. I’m just tired now. 

Tara:

I spend about an hour running, trying to think of what I am going to say to Sophie when I get back. I have no answers to the questions she’s going to ask. Many years ago I became involved with an organization, one that recognized my “special” talents. Though I don’t actually work for this organization any more, when they call, I go. It’s not just that I like the work, I do, and the payday at the end of the job. I also don’t have much of a choice. They have too much information on me. To refuse the job, on their terms, would the same as walking into a police station and introducing myself. They would lock me away. Or worse. I just don’t know how to explain this to Sophie.  
I’m not surprised to see Sophie waiting for me. I try to deflect her, anything to put off the coming storm. I know she’s going to be angry. I need to keep control. Explain as best I can. Try to make her understand. I sit next to her and try to explain what little I can. She’s not satisfied. She wants to know why I didn’t call, why I left the message with Parker. I can't tell her I was worried that she wouldn’t tell anyone, that she would withdraw, that I was afraid she would get sick again. I knew Parker would take care of her. I try to make her understand. But she doesn’t.

“Parker kissed me.” “What?” I can’t believe she just told me that. What is she implying? “And you just left. Nothing about where you were. Nothing about when you were coming back.” I’ve still got the image of her and Parker bouncing around in my head. I feel myself getting angry. My voice is louder. She hurt me and I want to hurt her back. “It’s not like you’ve never left before.” I can’t sit any more. I need to move. I need to think. “This is different Tara and you know it!” I whip around to look at her. “Is it Sophie? Really? I thought that was our thing.” When she speaks, her voice is loud and threatening. “So now you get to just leave whenever you feel like it? And then come back and pretend that it doesn’t matter? That you don’t have to explain yourself? That you can just jump in bed and make it all better? It doesn’t work that way Tara!” “No I guess it doesn’t” I answer in the same tone. “Not when I come home and find you in bed with Parker.”

Sophie’s eyes narrow. Her voice now is quiet and deliberate. “Be careful Tara. Be very careful.” I know this voice. I know I’ve gone too far. This is Sophie Devereaux at her most dangerous. I take a step backwards. I match her voice and tone. “Did you like it?” She stares at me but doesn’t answer. “Parker’s kiss. Did you like it?” She considers her answer. “Yeah Tara. I did.” “And so you took her to bed with you.” She narrows her eyes more but nothing else about her face changes. She stands and takes a step toward me. I fight the urge to take another step backwards. “Parker was here because you told her to be.” I try to think how my asking Parker to make sure Sophie was OK turned to them sleeping together. She continues, “Parker is sweet and gentle and I did enjoy her being here. I didn’t know if you would ever be back Tara. What if something happened to you? I would never know. I would die if I thought that you could just leave me like that. So yes. Parker was here for me. And yes we slept in the same bed. But. We. Did. Not. Have. Sex!” I have a snarky comeback ready to go but I change my mind. It’s not worth continuing the fight. There is nothing to be gained. Now amount of yelling at each other will solve the problem. Sophie is done too now. All of the emotion has drained from her eyes. She sits on the couch and puts her face in her hands. 

“This isn’t what I wanted Sophie” I say quietly. “I didn’t want to fight with you. I’ve been trying to think of a way to explain. I just can’t. I hoped that maybe you could understand. There are things that I’ve done, things that I need to do. It goes beyond grifting. It’s something I got into a long time ago. When they call I go. I don’t have a choice. I can’t tell you. I wish I could. Maybe someday.” She’s still got her head in her hands. I can’t tell if she’s even listening to me. I go to the couch and sit next to her. I put my hands on her wrists and gently pull her hands down. “Sophie. Just know one thing. No matter what happens, no matter what ever might happen, I will never leave you. I will always come back.” “And if you don’t?” she asks quietly. I think for a few seconds before I answer her. “Then you will have to know that I did everything I could to get back to you. I would never leave you willingly. OK?” She shakes her head. “I don’t know Tara. It’s a lot.” “I know it is Soph. Just remember that I love you.” I wipe her tear as it starts down her face. “Soph?” She nods. 

Sophie:

It’s not better. I will never be OK with her leaving like she did. She makes me promises. I just have to believe that she means what she says. Then she says the only words that can make any of this better. “Just remember that I love you.” I can’t speak. I nod. The tears start and she gently wipes them away. There’s only one thing left to talk about. 

I turn from my place on the couch and climb onto her lap. I put my hands on the sides of her face and rest my forehead against hers. “Tara. I told you something a long time ago. Do you remember?” I wait but she doesn’t answer. “I do love Parker. She’s like a sister that I never had. And yes, sometimes when you’re not around, she comes over. But do you remember what I said?” She nods slightly. “Nothing has changed Tara. I don’t look at Parker the way I look at you. I don’t look at any other women the way I look at you. Bloody Hell Tara, I don’t look at other women at all. It’s you. It’s just you.” “I know” she whispers. I kiss her gently. “Mmm much better than Parker” I tease her. “It better be” she says as she reaches behind my head and yanks a strand of hair. My protest is cut short by a kiss that isn’t quite so gentle.


End file.
